Ukraine: Sex, Violence, and Protection

by Ilya Kharkow

“She scolded him in German, but the house was inhabited by polite and cultured people, and no one heard.” Jean Genet

Răzvan Ion, Geostrategic Love, installation, analogue photography, chromogenic print, 8mm film, 2016 ongoing. Courtesy of the artist.

Have you ever dreamed about having sex with a cop?

***

I would like to talk about the fact that forced mobilisation is a crime. But who cares about it when the whole world is celebrating winter holidays? Only in Ukraine, on the eve of the New Year, the discussion of mobilisation was more active than the celebrations. This happened due to a bill intensifying mobilisation.

***

Have you ever thought about how great it would be to use handcuffs during sex?

***

At the end of 2023, it became known that the government intends to increase fines for mobilisation sabotage. If previously the fine was approximately $90, it will now be $4,000. And this is with a minimum wage of $200.

In one of the stories from the collection ‘HOLES IN THE SHAPE OF HUMANS,’ I wrote about how checkpoints protect not the city’s residents but its borders. I wrote that if the cost of protecting the borders turns out to be the lives of citizens and the safety of their homes, the military will be obliged to pay such a price. Now, the situation with checkpoints has become even more acute.

Because the enemy was far from Kyiv. It was far from Lviv and Uzhhorod. Checkpoints were removed. Now, in all cities of Ukraine, checkpoints will appear again (they have already appeared), but not to resist the Russian army, but to take away guys for the war.

***

Have you ever been turned on by power?

Did danger make you horny?

***

Those who refused to participate in the war were being tried. If, under certain circumstances, a court could impose a suspended sentence, the new bill suggests a prison term of 3 to 5 years. While in the news, there is still an ongoing discussion on how to punish guys unwilling to fight. 8 years of imprisonment – that’s the future offered to male holders of Ukrainian passports who return to Ukraine from Europe.

Moreover, Ukraine has once again appealed to EU countries to extradite guys who became a refugee in Europe. Estonia has already agreed. Germany has refused. Fortunately, I live in Portugal, and in Portugal, everything is done with delays. But the fact that your own state is hunting you within the country, setting up checkpoints. That your state is hunting you abroad. Statements like, “Every Ukrainian must know how to kill.” All of this is not for me. And I want to be left in peace.

That’s why I want to remind that the duty to the homeland is a myth, paid for by our taxes. Being proud of nationality is foolish, as we do not choose it, and therefore, there is no merit in it. Freedom has many manifestations, and one of them is not being forced to commit heinous acts. Acts that you can no longer live with, such as taking a human life.

***

Imagine that a young cop hands you handcuffs and asks you to fasten his hand to a pipe. Would you do this?

Imagine that you are horny. You thought you were in trouble. But suddenly you get steel handcuffs. You get even hornier. But what then?

Uh… then he asks you to insult him. You cuff him with heavy handcuffs to a pipe and do it. You insult him. You damn like it. Power excites and blows your mind.

But suddenly the cop says something that makes your erection disappear. He says: “Insulting a government official is an administrative offence. Now you have to pay a fine.”

And when there is no trace of your erection left, he adds: “You used handcuffs to fasten a policeman, do you understand what will happen next? This may result in criminal liability for physical assault.”

So, are you still excited by danger?

Maybe he’s bluffing, does he?

Maybe this is all part of the game?

Sexually helpless cop says, “This could be considered a hostage situation!”

There is no smile or anger on his face. If it’s a game, you can ruin it by showing fear. If this is not a game, you will go to jail. But at least you will remember this sudden date for a long time.

***

If earlier guys could enter into marriage with a disabled woman to avoid military service on the grounds of caring for the disabled, now even this may not work. In Ukraine, disability is divided into 3 groups, and now 2 out of 3 groups are considered fit for military service. Female mobilisation is also actively discussed.

***

Once, I unknowingly slept with a cop. But I found out about this only after we did it. We didn’t want to part ways, and he suggested grabbing coffee. As he paid for the coffee, he reached into the inner pocket of his jacket for the wallet, and accidentally, or perhaps not so accidentally, his police badge fell out. All I remember about him is that he dreamed of learning to draw, and my erotic magazines left quite an impression on him.

***

It might sound absurd, but since the beginning of the war, there has been active discussion in society about the government setting a monthly fee that men should pay to legally stay abroad. There is talk that guys with an income above $950 should be exempt from military service since earning this amount and more makes them some sort of economic front. There is also discussion that upon returning to Ukraine, guys will have to pay to get the opportunity to go home. The only thing they seem to have forgotten is that they have already promised to strip us of citizenship and imprison us upon return.

***

This time, I encounter a policeman in the Kyiv metro. We are at the Olimpiiska station, equipped with a room where cops conduct inspections of suspicious individuals. And once, I found myself in that room.

I like backpacks with lots of pockets. This was one of those moments when I regretted bringing a backpack with me. I have to show everything inside it. Notebooks and books. Condoms and minty gums. A million little things, and they all end up on the wooden table.

Then, I have to take off my jacket and put it on that table. I undress and ask the policeman:

“Why did you stop me specifically?”

I place my T-shirt and pants on the table. The policeman gestures that I don’t need to take off my socks. And he answers:

“You’re wearing sports clothes, but you’re not an athlete.”

“And you stopped me just for that?”

“You can get dressed.”

I remain disappointed. I look at his handcuffs hanging from the belt on the side. I ask:

“What were you expecting to find on me, anyway?”

“Marijuana or ecstasy. Guys like you often pretend to go for a run but push drugs on the corner of the stadium.”

Then I say that if I were hiding drugs, well, if I actually had them, I would hide them in my underwear, not in my backpack or clothes. This is my game. It’s my move, and I wait to see how he reacts.

The young policeman with a tiny scar on his upper lip takes out his baton and touches the elastic of my underwear with it.

“Take them off?” I hesitantly ask, but in reality, I’m more than determined.

“Yeah… take them off,” the young cop with the nice scar said.

I see how much effort he has to put in not to smile. I imagine how he dreamed of getting a scar on his face to look more courageous. To look older. I see how he cuts the skin on his face with a blade, but he stops at the sight of the first drop of blood. Scary. Now, his scar is a monument not to courage but to cowardice, but only he and I know that.

I’m not sure if he’s gay or not. Probably not. But who knows? The only thing I can say for sure is that we both enjoy this game. I take off my underwear, but at that moment, a homeless person bursts into the inspection room, shouting, “IT’S COLD TO SLEEP ON MARBLE! HAVE YOU EVER SLEPT ON MARBLE?!”

The cute cop pats me on the shoulder and quietly says:

“You’re free!”

***

On December 30th, a traffic jam formed at the Polish-Ukrainian border. Fathers who have more than 3 children, who have the right not to fight because of this, are no longer allowed to leave the country. The same applies to disabled individuals. Families of numerous Ukrainians became refugees in Europe. Men were travelling to reunite with their families for the holidays. Men were not allowed through.

Crowds of frustrated men with boxes wrapped in gift paper remained standing on the street on the Ukrainian side of the border. Maintaining a New Year’s mood in a mature age requires great effort, but it’s effortlessly shattered.

***

A couple of weeks later, I dressed in all black and descended to the Olimpiiska metro station. However, instead of the young cop with a scar, I noticed only 2 bored men. They were watching a comedian’s performance on their phone. The men lazily glanced in my direction.

After a minute, I boarded the train, but I had nowhere to go. Later that day, I saw the young cop with a scar on his face in a dream but never encountered him again in real life.

***

While disabled individuals and fathers who have more than 3 children gather at the border. While society expresses outrage over a new bill that intensifies forced mobilisation, Ukrainian cities continue to face shelling from Russia.

Today is January 2nd. I’m finishing this text, and suddenly I receive a message from a friend. He informs me about 5 fatalities in Kyiv. 119 injured. Fires are still being extinguished. I still have many friends in Kyiv because not everyone can start a new life in emigration. However, when the old life has looked like 2 years long nightmare, you stop believing in news about an inevitable victory.

In Kyiv, there are approximately 1200 apartment buildings. Ever played Battleship? 1200 – these are the ships, and every day, the Russian army launches missiles at these “ships.” Every day, the Ukrainian army fires at them, repelling the attacks. The uniqueness of this war is that even in Battleship, there are two fields: yours and your opponent’s, but here there is only one. With rare exceptions. Recently, there was news about explosions in the Russian city of Belgorod. However, we won’t see news about how guys take their own lives to avoid going to war. The editor will say, “Ukrainians are not ready for that.”

***

Already in Portugal, I met a policeman. Cops are not my fetish. That’s a coincidence. So, the Portuguese policeman said that he only sleeps with those with blue eyes. My eyes change colour and can be pale grey or sometimes green. While corresponding with him, I lied that my eyes were blue.

We met in the evening. Only after having sex, I admitted to him that my eyes were not blue. I don’t even know what colour they are today. Anyway, I expected to teach him a lesson. This will prove the obvious – EYE COLOR DOES NOT AFFECT SENSATIONS DURING SEX. But he said he knew it. And about sensations, and about the eyes.

The Portuguese policeman asked: “Would you sleep with me if you didn’t have to prove anything to me? Aren’t you here to show how smart you are?”

I hung my head and became instantly horny. It was damn clever.

This date reminded me of an incident with a film director who fought against censorship in the USSR. He was sure that something would certainly be cut from his film, so he added a scene at the end – a nuclear explosion. This scene predictably outraged the commission. Therefore, he agreed that he would remove this scene, but all the others would remain in their original form. That’s how he saved his film.

And now I have hope that the new bill is the same distraction. The goal is not to forcibly mobilise 500 thousands of Ukrainian guys who don’t want to fight, but something else. At the same time, something tells me that this is an empty hope.

***

Should power protect or sexually excite? No matter how absurd this question may seem, I know one thing for sure – the government should be such that citizens do not need protection from it.

Alas, today I need such protection.

 

Translated in English by the author.

Cover image: Ilya Kharkow, self-portrait.

Ilya Kharkow is a writer from Ukraine, but he does not want to be labelled as a Ukrainian writer. “In Ukraine, I’m seen as a criminal because I’ve rejected military conscription. Until now, a great number of men in Ukraine have been persecuted and humiliated while locked in the country,” says him. “Fortunately, I was able to escape and get refuge in Europe. The Ukrainian authorities’ intentions to deport me. War supporters hate me. My native town is occupied by Russia. Every day I experience difficulties of emigration. But all this inspires me to write.”. He published in numerous magazines. Now he lives in Europe as a political refugee. His personal website www.ikharkow.com

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